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Ex-Official's Obsession With the Vietnam War By PHILIP TAUBMAN o p WASHINGTON,Feb.21Fourteen . years ago Ralph W. McGehee sat in a sparsely furnished Saigon apartment. 'contemplatingthe disintegration of his.small comer of the American Dream. He thought about hanging.a banner cut his window that said C.I.A. LIEs" and then shooting him- self wlth the rifle he keptin his bed- room. Mr. MeGehee, a.janitor's son from the South Side of Chicago who played on three nationalchampionship foots. ball teams at Notre Dame.in the Iate. 1940'sjoined the Central Intelligence Agency in 1952 to fight' Communism. Ltke dozens in his generation ot C.I.A. recnuts, he.served.Joyally and. ea. I didn't quit. I. tried to get. Ithe C.I.A. I 3to tell I the. |truth. TNewYT/G gerly in the front lines of.the cold war. Ralphw.McGehee EX ClA ofFiiA\ Then,while working in Southeast Asia in the 1960's,hebecame disillustoned and convinced that the agency was in- mersed himself n the history.ot tentionally distorting Intelligence in- America's involvement In Vietnam formation to maskthe extent of sup- searching for someunderstanding.of I imes port for Communist forces in the re- how.he and the Government he was gion. once devoted-to losttneir bearings in It was an agonizing personai. and. Q|27|83 professional.awakening that changed small library of booksabout the war, his life.Mr.McGehee,like some other became a denizen of the Library.of Amnerican officials who were'directly touched by the Vietnam War, became training in the C.l.A.,started toseek a kind of permanent prisoner of the ' out Journalists to convey`his account confllct. He is part of a.small but dis- of failures by the agency in Vietnam tinctive fraternity of former officials Eventually, part of this teckoning and joumalists in Washington whose took the form of a book. Entitled lives'still revolve.around Vietnam. Deadly Deceits,My 25 Years in th For the last10 years.he has poured C.I.A.jt was published earlier thi most of his intellectual and emotional month h New York by Sheridag energy into coming to terms with the warand his roleinit. Square Publlcatlons His friends call the effort an obses. sion, and Mr. McGehee doesn'ttdis- Hagree, To -the exclusion, ol. almost. Jeverything else in his life, he has im b6 b7C +