◆ SpookStack

oo iacing ih tn by a narrow- -cyed meiac drasou u pe whose role it 1s to keep remin’! ae you that you'd belter co-cperate with your Fil or else, This was a friendly visit, notanaccusative one, There is an etiquette in handling this kind of « visitation, Here area fow pointers for the uninitiated, It is rot proper etiquette for FBI investigators to call up and Y . " 7 . mate an appointment with you bul to drop in on you uninvited at their own convenience, like door- to-door salesmen working their way throvci collere, This leaves you at an initiel disadvantage, but it isn’t considured good el!- quetle fa just point to the NO SOLICITING sign or to simply Slam the deor tn their faces, In my case the door w2s wide open anyway, as it always is weather permiling, which is an open in- vitation from in treat, so I pvst Smiled week when ons of them flashed an FBI tacge and said, Come in, gentlemen, andbe s- vate ed.” As T was having my break- fast 1 brougtt the bowl of ecrn- flakeS into tne livingroom, con- tinued to eat and said, “What can I do for you, gentizmen,™ ~ ad- vise this resronse, unless, of course, you're pertok! ng of Something less legal thia curn- fakes at ths moment and have to Stall for time to togalize your- self Cin which case it is inad- Visebt+ to leave the front decor e . wide open), My open door polic got us off to a good start, A second polit of cliquette is, answer all questions truthfully, especiaily if you have already answered all their questions in your books, your articles and your cuotcmns, on TV shows, co radio and in “public speeches and university classes and lec- tured, in which case you siniply rofer them to same, Do not show tan werk ocurnrica ft too mitch surprise {if thelr in- formation about you and your views is a bit sketchy, in splte of the fact thal they had a big fat secrel FBI dossler on you that they could have consulted be- fcre setting out on their visit, Remember they're your guests 2nd the rules of hospitality apply at all tinies, even to the ualn- vited fuzz. In fact, it turned out in my case that my visitors whe were out digging ud allthe secret underground doze (metashoricat- ly, that is) eboul Abbie Hofliman, were connictely tehen by sur- prise when I carclessly blurted oit the fect that Abbie Hoffman had published a boot aLout him- self and all the seeret plots of the yippies weeks azo, ana I de- tected a lock of high Inierest— that Jack Webb lIeok—wien I dropped the name of the bool! — REVOLUTION FOR THE HELL OFr IT. Since T had already let the eat out of ihe bas T thos ight I might aS well sell out completely and lished it in the Freep the week before. Naturally they could not pass up a chance to nab sucha prize of crimiual investigative evidence, so I went to the sec- ret files where I kecp the Freep hidden away and gave them a copy of the review, They cotid have gotten a free copy cf the book itself if they had thought to ask Abbie Hoffman, since he is giving {it away free to everybod/, even cops, Dut since I had ai. ready given away all my copies to reviewers I advised that they pick up a copy at any bookstore for $1.95 and list it on the swindle-sheet, Anything with the word revolution on it willbe con~ Sidered well worth $1.93 by the FBI accountant, 4 Now, avout Searchand seizure, ft is perfectly correct etiquetie for your guests to get up and fo browsing among your boots, If one of them finds something of ii- terest, Say, a copy of an ar- thology in which there is an ar- ticle called "I Ching,” by Lavw- Tence Lipton, do net hasten to reassure him that I Ching ts not the name of a Jewish-Chinese communist nanied isidoce Ching, a fellow conspirator of Chair- man Mao, That may cori as £0 shociing a disaapéintment tohin he may suspectyou'rehoitin, o it on him. And if he picks upa zLOCk?