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_ tus magazine Extub A—jfor Arvusng.’” case Brown v. Ten Boards of Education. Suddenly, a beautiful woman, with bosoms the size of watermelons, walked into the bar. “Don’t be impartial, Mr. Marshall,” she implored. “Take me, take me now.” In half a second, they were both naked. “I had no idea chey’d painted the Empire State Building black,” she gasped. “That’s not the Empire State Building,” Thurgood replied, “that’s my fifty-two inches of manhood.” With one motion, Thurgood thrust his entire Shaft inco her awaiting body. Three hundred orgasms later, they finished. “That was great,” she purred. “Just wait’ll I send my ninety- three teenage sisters ro see you.” Allin all, it was a typical day. Edit yourself There’s an old joke thar runs something like this: “A sexually inexperienced couple are ow cher honeymoon. Not sure what to do, the husband asks his wife for advice. ‘Stick it in,’ she commands. ‘Now puil it our. Stick icin. Pull it our’” { forger the punch line to this anecdote, bur it hardly matters—we've already heard the good parr. Similarly, careful editing can improve your writing. Who wants to read a boring law book when the Cliffs Notes will do just as well? In the following example, a fine pornographic story is made even better by carefully editing out the less essential passages: Handsome Thurgood Awe After scrutininng @ vopy of Playboy dunng a desegregation tnal, Justice Marshal proudly deckires "I cull Jusace Byron Whites wite, Luc. u sure rauke me juicy, Ms. micy,” | quipped. “] love Lucy, " f added, elbowing Byron in the ribs. i was on a roll now, so 1 turned to Justice Harry Blackmun and hollered, “lim che real hairy black man araurd these parts.” This prompted Chiet Justice Burger to » call for order fix response, | ” whipped open aw robe ({ had wg2 nothing on underneath) and said, ome “Hey, Chief Justice Cheeseburger, did you order this big black whopper?” All the justices excused themselves and returmmed to their chambers, unable to match my brilliant repartee. | was alcne in “Ae ~ i= ms Helge i ae tae ad be TOM Sandra Day-O.yadistinguished- white woman. ‘Yee-eertatnty-took— foxy +ryou-bie —blick robes” wen bigger and blacker Thurgood. Thurgood Red-atways sert-of Afro-disiac... Humor your audience One day, | mistakenly broke into Lyndon Johnson's bedroom while Lady Bird was preparing [R.% eee cig ee eT to give him a blow job. MEFs RENT oO he ene soa Rae To mask my embarrass- Sweanng un garth on his personal “Bible for Suengers."” Thurgonxd ment, I made a couple Marshall tesufies thas he ts a purn-again Chnisaun. of ribald jests. Firsc | curned to Lady the room, except tor Lucy, whose Bird and quipped, “I guess you arm [ had a firm grip on. “Baby, put the BJ in LBj.” Then I you sure gor big torts,” | joked, pointed to the presidenc’s groin, “and there ain’t nothing [ like and added, “Boy, you sure got a better than White's woman.” Then big Johnson, Lyndon.” LBJ was 1 screwed her eighry-seven cimes. su amused by these remarks, and sO eager to get me out of the room, that he appointed me to the Supreme Court. Just as a few great jokes helped my judicial career, so can they help you with your dirty-writing career. Check our this example: The justices and I were sitting in closed session, deliberating. Suddenly, who should walk in but CAN NELKEN CO MOVE STILL ARCHIVES The defense rests Weil, | hope you liked my helpful tips on how co write dirty. So, if you follow my rules, che Next time you pop up tn court on an ubscenity charge, maybe something on me will pop up too. Oh, yeah. he a MV\ ara dn te. Years ago, [ncermational Pure sponsored 2 settes ot advertisements reading “Send me a man | who feads pomography un the job, and PH show sou a man woos hard ac work.” | To tell the pubhe chat a dirty preture ty nor worth a thousand dares words, j international Porno decided co run a new series of advertnements extalliag che vlogs of i Pornography. We solicited colutnns from dozens of celebrities, oncluding Lucene Civaretts, ! Dick Cavett, Morey Anvterdam, and Thurgood Marsnall Catoeunateis, only fistice i Marshall rephed. | For reprints of choy ad, send name. address, cad proacd at mineeits fo incernatanal tye) Pure, Inv., 635 Madeon Avenue, New York, NOY iccl?. (> PRIT TA) miei fees : vias , 74 . ee —