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aide Betontocd?™ 7 asked ‘call go as @ youth delegate,” Smith mid. there you ean go to the Soviet Union.” Eocene ee eee wet: Washi, you re a fool!” 3M roe. anith tarned away from me. ‘A breath Amore of anger and ] should ee Oey fat into O Paces an ‘. “In move that discussion a s statement be “4 “ibeferred,” Nealson said. 4 _. A quick vote confirmed Nealoon's motion. ¥ q “ooked about the silent room, then reached for my " “J should like to go now,” I said. No one said anything. I walked to the door and -@ut inte the night and « heavy burden scemed to lift I was -free—And-Thad-done it ip a : decent and forthright manner. I had not been . bitter. 4 had not raked up a single recrimination. 4 a had attacked no one. I had disavowed nothing. ‘ Tho next night two Negro Communists called at 4 my home. They pretended to be ignorant of what 3 had happened at the unit meeting. Patiently I 4 -explained what had occurred. “Your story does not agree with what Neeloon as that ‘poceaiary?™ : asked, trembling. Be eee bow in my boyhood, I would er antl hieod' ran bad aryooo oaid any- ‘thing like that to me. “But I was a man now and master of my rage, able to control the surging emo- Stions.@ put on my hat and walked to the door. Keep cook "4 seid airy teas Son's et thin get “And what does Nealson say?” I asked. a “He says that you are in league withaTrotskyite J group, end that you made an appeal for other party 3 _amembers to follow you in leaving the party.” a _ What?” I gasped. “That's not true. T asked 3 vthat my membership be dropped. I raised no politi- E eal issues.” What did this mean? I sat pondering. ”, “Look, maybe I ought to make my break with the glace 00 the agends, which was readily granted. Nealeon was there. Evans was thore. Ed Green was there. When my time came to speak, I said: — 3 Comrades, for the past two years I’ve worked @aily with most of you. Despite this, I have for -tome time found myvel! in's dificult position in the * lite Ony SLOry ball remap ST - aparty-clean. Tf Nealson’s going to_sct_ this way, 4 od ascs cites, undated bre T'li resign.” “You can't resign,” they told me. “What do you mean?” I demanded. _- “No one can resign from the Communist Party.” I looked at them and laughed. *“You're talking crazy,” I said. 4 ‘*Neatson would expel you publicly, cut the 4 =wground from under your feet if you resigned,” they 4 seid. “Poople would think that something was “4 nich T do aot care to recite now; it would serve no purpose. But I tell you honestly that J think I’ve found a solution of my difficulty. I am proposing here tonight that my membership be dropped from the party rolls. No ideological differences impel me to my this. J simply do not wish to be bound any longer by the party’s decisions. I should like to re- tain my membership in those organizations in which mall comm with the party's program in thoee orgenizationa. I hope that xy word- will be accepted in the spirit in which they -are said. Perhaps sometime in the future I can meet and talk with the loaders of the party as to what ‘tasks I can best perform.”- 7 ff eat down amid a profound aileace. The Negro iocretary of the meeting loked frightened, glancing iat Nealon, Evans, and Ed Green. * wrong if someone like you quit here on the South 3 Side.” 4 I was angry. Was the party 90 weak and uncer- 3 -4nin of itself that it could not accept what I had said © ; at the unit mocting? ‘Who thought up euch tactics? Then, suddenly, I anderstood. ‘These were the se- ret, underground tactics of the political movemcnt q ‘of the Communists under the tears of Old Russia! ; he Communist Party felt that it had to assassinate, ‘me morelly merely because I did not want to be 7% . bound by its decisions. I saw now that my com- J Fades were acting out a fantasy that had no relation 4 sawhatever to the reality of their environment. a “Toll Nealson that if he fights me, then, by God, 4 T'll fight him,” I said. “If he leaves this damn thing 4 where it is, then all right. If he thinks Is won't fight q shim publicly, he's crazy!” -